A trans teen is swept up in a whirlwind friendship with lethal consequences in this taut thriller.

Before: Newly-out trans guy Max is having a hard time in school. Things have been tough since his summer romance, Danny, turned into his bully. This year, his plan is to keep his head down and graduate. All that changes when new It-girl Gloss moves to town…

After: Haircuts, makeovers, drugs, parties. It’s all fun and games until someone gets killed at a rager gone terribly wrong.

McAdam writes the novels they wish they could have read when they were a teen. I’d certainly have benefitted from a novel like this as a teen, as well, although not for the same reasons. There are wonderful elements here: a gripping storyline, compelling characters, queer representation. I had a few issues with the novel, which I’ll share below, but overall I loved it.

First, the framing of the story with the chapters titled “before” and “after” begin to build the drama right away. This isn’t just a novel about a trans male high school student; it’s a murder mystery. The shock of this early reveal and framing is vital, because it took me a while to care what happens to the “before” Max. High school is boring, but the stakes here are high. The pace picks up as the “after” chapters begin to inch closer to the truth, even as the “before” chapters introduce us to the compelling, glittering character of Gloss.

Gloss, who has the world at her fingertips, who has the power to quell any teacher’s authority with a glance, who slithers out of windows in the middle of class with impunity, latches on to Max as her person. Max, to say nothing of the popular crowd who so recently has rejected Max, is mystified by this decision, but he could not be more grateful.

Mystified gives way to mesmerized as Max falls further and further in love with Gloss while still wrestling with intense feelings for Danny. Together, Max and Gloss skip class, change Max’s look, sneak off to London, stay up all night, get high. Will there be consequences? Can we fully trust Gloss? We read these chapters knowing disaster looms around the corner, but what happened, and who is to blame? The tension builds and builds some more. After the fiery conclusion (after the After), we get answers in an ultimately satisfying and moving way, although questions remain.

For instance, there was something odd about how comfortable every teenager in the story was with substance use and the ease with which they all both acquire and consume drugs and alcohol with no parental interference. Perhaps this is true to their reality, or a necessary plot device like how none of the adults in the wizarding world appear to be as competent as three Hogwarts students, but it’s not a reality I’m familiar with. The teenagers’ feelings and approaches to sex and sexual behavior did not seem as cavalier (or, more accurately, did not seem as grown-up), and felt more true to life. Maybe this is the same vibe as Euphoria, but it’s a flaw in my opinion.

Another challenge I had was the Twilight problem, where all the most compelling characters are not the main character. It took me ages to like Max. This is certainly a realistic depiction of a human who often doesn’t like himself (what teen does?), and especially so for someone trying to find their identity mid-transition, asking what part of him is the T, what part is in response to the cruelty or kindness of his peers, what’s from the drugs, and what’s authentic, and then what, of all that, is lovable? Again, this is a problem the book overcomes in time, so if this is coming up for you early in the novel, do stick with it. Max emerges before the end, and it’s wonderful.

The above challenges are overcome as the narrative grows towards its explosive conclusion, and the final acts in the narrative are why I gave this book four instead of three stars. Give it time, allow yourself to put it down for a bit and come back to it, you’ll be rewarded in the end.

– Matt Gill